Old man, take a look at your life

"I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him."

-Galileo Galilei

I have an idea.

One that has been with me for a long time.  And I find that each and every place I go, I meet someone to add, build to that idea.  It is quite simple and leads me down many paths, but overall the idea is there.  It is the base, source of all the dreams I have for the future.  With each person I meet, they give me new insight and knowledge to better tune myself.  I alter with the information I choose to retain and also, with the ones I throw out.  Both ways, I am constantly learning.
My dreams never change, only the journey to them is unwritten.

This idea may not be ready for me yet.  Better yet, I don't think I am ready for it yet.  I must take the growing idea, narrow it, shape it, construct it into a plan.  Grab from the sky, the tangled mess of motives, needs, ambitions and tame them into my idea.  Yes, broad, but all the pieces are there.  All the parts I need are at my fingertips and will present themselves as needed.

You need a pair of balls to go forth in this world.  Life is tough and if you really want to make a stand, a difference, nothing is going to be laid out for you.  The pieces are never going to all be there and you must go forth and build/find your own.  This involves taking risks, calculated risks.  Know who you are dealing with–change.  Know how you can deal with it–Start from the beginning and observe.  Observe all of the possible outcomes and factors in effect.  It's a fucking game and when you are good...You are on top of the world.  At the same time this place is a battlefield.

Hell, no one wants to jump in the "shit."  But when you are in the "shit," that is where is all happens.  Deals are lost and made.  Men rise and fall.  Hearts are broken, inspired, and together.  Stay out and you run in circles for the rest of your life.  Go ahead and jump in, take a chance and make your own path.

coffee and a cigarette

Young man

Look ahead, look ahead

Think again, think again

When you might be alone

Well, that's were it began

Build with your hands 

With the tools of man

Take heed, take heed

They planted the seed

We'll just play this one out until it explodes 

into a thousand tiny pieces 

What's your story universe 

You are melody and numbers

You are shapes, and you are rhythms 

They are signs that we can learn

to place over the heavens

to predict how long they'll burn

How long will I last 

Can I turn up the heat

What star am I circling

What's circling me

Now my ebb, and my flow

My lack of control

Turning on, turning off

Saying yes, but playing no

Things keep changing

Things keep changing 

Things keep changing

break on through

Traveling makes you aware.

Traveling is beautiful,  yet brutal.  

Unbalanced, but still flowing.

Wear your scars 

for they are beauty

they are forever 

...to the otherside.

Heavenly wine and roses, seem to whisper to me when you smile.

Food is good,

                                  Food is sex,

                                  

                                                                                     Food is love.

     Food can be one of the greatest pleasures to man.  Once I came to find that food is more than a substance to shove into our empty bellies until the next meal - like filling up a car at a gas station - I was in love with good food.  It is meant to be enjoyed and savored, like a glimpse into your lover's eyes...why not?  We lust over food every day, from when we see it on a commercial or smell it from a street side vendor.  Our mouths water involuntarily at the mere smell of food or subtle thought of a delicious meal in front of us.

     If I could only describe the way some foods make me feel I think it would not be right to tell you...unless you were eating that exact dish at the exact moment of reading, but fuck it.  I don't mind a good tease every now and then.  Ok...
     A fresh roast duck, in house like any other from a cook like no other.  A woman, a mother, that has been perfecting the art over her life, serves you quickly hacked slices of duck breast only minutes out of the oven.  you sink your teeth into the delicate meat and the crunch of the caramelized skin.  Now your are experiencing true magnificence and extraordinary pleasure time and again as each of your taste buds are consumed with all of the amazing flavors.  They first feel the sweet and savory taste of the skin, then air, then fat -- only managing to maintain it's corporeal for the short moments inside your mouth until it melts into a liquid and spreads like a chill through your body.  Juicy, sweet yet savory, and a ever so slight gamey taste.  These tastes and textures can only come from a cook that has been cooking the same dish hundreds of times over and perfected it, just as a craftsmen perfects his own work.

     Early one morning, with a hangover so bad, you dare not even look anyone in the eye, knowing all to well you did something truly awful the night before and one of those poor souls around you were there for it.  The never ending supply of beer? No, the fucking moonshine...(who's brilliant idea was that anyway)  Whatever the case, you are oblivious to the view of the river or the sights and sounds around you.  You are focusing on the cup of steaming coffee coming your way and you are sure it is the best, well, you have been here before.  After the first sip, the warmth is felt all the way to your bowels and it is like a kick start from the inside out.  Immediately after comes the light and flaky butter biscuits.  To trump the experience of the first bite with sausage gravy, jams, or jellies would be a feat.  But now the wonderful, rich and hearty, perfectly seasoned sausage gravy is poured over the top of the biscuits---you fell the clunk of the complimented combination and the feeling spreads all the way to your pineal gland.  The feelings of home, warmth, and rest are all there, you are satisfied.

     Why is it that most of us take our food for granted.  The majority of our people do not even know how to cook a simple dinner.  Hell even if they do, the Applebees down the road or a takeout from McDonald's seems like a better choice to them.  It is a proven fact that eating at home is cheaper and in many ways healthier for a family.  healthier not only physically, but emotionally.  The truth is, there is a inverse relationship between the frequency of family meals and social problems.  Bluntly put, little Johnny is less likely to start the local meth lab, stick up a liquor store, or blow the top off a public building...if he only had a little more chicken pie when he was younger.
     But that's not my point at all, I believe cooking should be integrated into the lives of all the young kids.  Not to compare this to the basic and regular physical fitness test of schools now.  Where you are called up in front of your class to conduct pull-ups, sit-ups, and so on.  When the physical fitness test were introduced, kids were assumed to maintain a reasonably healthy lifestyle.  With this encouragement came the flip side, negative reinforcement and at worst teasing and bullying.
     With this I am not saying we should teach cooking and throw all of the kids unable to catch on like others into the corner.  I believe they should be taught the virtue of cooking.  The satisfaction of cooking a small meal for yourself and a few others.  It is something that should be fundamental and vital to every young man and woman growing up.  Like learning to read our wiping ones own ass.
     We are progressing though.  Cooking is now becoming "Cool" and more of the young generation are seeing this.  It would be nice if a roommate in college could whip up a nice meal for friends when funds are running low and maybe even admired.  From the 60's, when cooking at home had almost come to a standstill, America has made progress.  Food is now coming forth once again...a love....a passion.

  Julia Child 1963 The French Chef 

   

I think I am most at ease, most relaxed these days.  I feel comfortable being with a new group of fast found friends each weekend and being happy with the fact I spend most my nights alone.  You can really get the best thinking done when you are alone.  Completely by yourself and without the distraction of a TV, music, a phone.  It will strip yourself bare and pull out the dreams, afflictions, and imaginations you constantly have going through mind and gives you a slate to work with all of the ideas.  You actually get to know yourself more and more...hell maybe one day you will find yourself....  

Live, Simply live.

      I admire those who live by their own principles - even though I might not believe the same - it takes a certain amount of courage and true belief in ones self.  Over my life, I have tried with no true aspiration, but a natural calling to be drawn to these type of individuals.  Strong willed and steadfast in their ways.  It must be the passion they all possess for their own conviction, no matter the circumstances.  They will always be faithful to that core belief and in true sense, to the death.
     Cultures comes to mind when I think of dire commitment to ways of life and tradition.  Passing culture down from one generation to the next, never letting it fade into the past.  I can't say I believe all customs should stay on course, no change, no progression, but if you love your way of life and your families and do not want to change...the hell with everything else, maintain.  Continue the ongoing, perfected, right traditions.
     One such culture comes to mind.  In the deep reaches of the Congo lie the lands of Mbuti and Bantu.  Young boys from both tribes receive hard lessons from the lash during Nbumbi, the ritual passage of boy into manhood.  The young boys, roughly nine to twelve years of age receive daily whippings to toughen them up.  Each boy, painted white as chalk from head to toe, receive a merciless beating from the elders as the others watch and await their own trial.  Even through the stinging blows of each lashing, they maintain themselves, hold-fast, and never show a grimace.  Yet, after it was over each day the boys will walk away roll with laughter.  During the passage, no one was permitted to speak, but the laughter was their escape.  They all knew why they were given this test and gave it all the were able to give.  It was never suffering, just a step up toward their title as a man and the boys took all the pain proudly.  Giving it their all for something the believed so much in.  I have the utmost respect for those cultures. Their way of life, or die to have it any other way.
       Why not put your whole life into something you have a indescribable passion for.  Some search their whole lives to find meaning to their life.  A reason to look forward to tomorrow.  I have found it.  My reason to wake every morning, to make my day fruitful, is the thought of knowing-more, connecting, simply living. I cannot pinpoint my desire, but I feel it after each day and I know it is my own.

Another year gone. Never forgotten

Twenty years old and all I can think about is what the rest of my life has to offer and what I can make of it.  I have countless dreams and I am thankful that I have been able to fulfill many of them.  In only the past few years, I finally developed a new insight into my life.  With all the oppurtunities presented to me, I need to take each one as soon as I stumble upon it.  The only regrets I want to have in my life, are the regrets of opportunities I have passed up.  I will never regret anything I have done, but take it as a learning experience.  I make myself stronger and wiser by this simple concept.  Too many times we make mistakes or falter in life and never look at the advantages, even though they might not seem clear at first.  Life is too short to dwell on shortcomings and bad times.  Grab life with all you have and it will never let you down.

  

Rather than Love, than money, than fame, give me TRUTH.

        Today turned out to be a warm and beautiful day, showing signs of a long awaited spring.  All my surroundings are awakened and my senses keen to the mix of sounds about.  Could it be the change in weather that has brought about this new uplifting spirit.  Or is it the students mingling in the sun and couples holding each other close outside my room with not a care in the world, but each other.

         It's Valentines Day and everyone has found their lover or many are seeking that special one to make their lives complete.  I on the other hand, have never truly felt the desire to seek out love or find that one I can spend the rest of my life with.  I believe there is more to seek before love.  This might seem cold, but to completely know love, know anything for what it really is, you must know truth.  Not to belittle love in the least bit and if it were thrown in my life, or stumbled upon, who am I to deny love?  I would certainly embrace it for all it is worth and I will be absolutely sure of it when I do find true love.
      
        What I really and deeply seek in this life is truth and crave truth over life.  Truth lies at the heart of all living and by seeking it, you find the gate to everything, especially love.  Without truth, there would be no deep rooted meaning and reason for life.   

This...Is...Africa

An African hunting safari is viewed as the greatest hunting adventure on the world by most.  Traveling the planes of Tanzania or Namibia to take back a trophy cheetah, leopard, or zebra.  Rich CEO's and large business owners take a week long five star, expense paid hunting trip for what?  Hunting is supposed to be about the spiritual journey of man and nature.  The hunter trains and hones it's skills to challenge the animal and also has a deep respect.  In African hunting safaris, guides provide the rifles, haul the hunter's gear, and set them up for the perfect shot.  Hell, the "Hunters" don't even clean their kill, just snap a picture and wait for the animal to be served on their platters that night.  They go back to their luxury resort with a mint on their pillow.  So, what do the "Hunters" actually get out of this?  The whole scenario is simple, they are assholes when the leave and they are assholes when they get back.