Never mistake motion for action

As I was unpacking my last bit of things today I found this quote:

"Never mistake motion for action."

-Ernest Hemingway

At least the way I read it, I believe it.

So many people work their days away in books, in papers, going here and going there, hoping that it will pay off.  Thinking that if they strive and slave away at this one class, it will make it all better in the end.  Or they work and work at that one job, as hard as they can, waiting for a way out.  Are they doing the right thing?  I believe so much in working hard and never giving up on your dreams, ever.  

The way you achieve your goals and make your own accomplishments is another thing.  I want to know that what I am doing, at any given time, is what I want to be doing and what I should be doing.  

I am going to take a step forward every day of my life, in the right direction.  Not only for myself.  For the ones I love, the ones that are the dearest and closest to me, and the stranger I just met on the side of the road.

I am generous and I am selfish

I am kind and I am mean

I am loving, but I am far...
I am scarred, but I am free.

I might just greet the sun tomorrow

I told my self I was going to start new in Africa.  Do the things I have always wanted to do.  The dreams and imaginations i had stirring and bubbling in my mind.  They hadn't overflowed, only wasting precious space until I use them.  What is a dream when you don't try?  I am not going to waste away.

Africa changed with me.  The thick smell of spring and the lush green bush showed itself to me in the morning.  The river of the reserve is now flowing and the wildebeest and Eland have come out of the wetlands to feed on the sweet grasses of the plains. 

I will change with everything around me...
Become brighter like the nature I see all around and be where I am.  Whether I am eating breakfast, running, talking with a friend--My whole mind will be right there.  I know what I need to do and I know when I have gone to far and when I should be, but I'm not.  The part of me that "knows" is now the biggest part of me. I am now going to do what I want to do and couldn't before.  I am going to thank her forever.

I never want to stop imagining and never want to stop dreaming.  I can make my own perfect world in my dreams and that's where I'll start.  If I can;t make it perfect, we will sure as hell try.  Idealism never sounded too bad.

I have already started them with you....

It was a fight

I didn't want to fight, but when you have the greatest thing.  A cure to ills no other drug could compare too.  A person who reminds you everyday who it is you are....There is bound to be a fight.

  

I tore down mountains.  Fought my demons for her and it was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Yet the easiest, she only needed to look at me and I saw our lives play out right there.  I imagined it all saw our dreams come true and knew I could only be hers. She saved me from the beast i had on the outside.  Now, I look at my hands and look at myself and see the scars left on my from my life.  When I lean closer  I see them most in my eyes.  The good scars and bad scars are all there, brightening and darkening all shades of the iris.  I like to think now, I am becoming brighter....

Old man, take a look at your life

"I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him."

-Galileo Galilei

I have an idea.

One that has been with me for a long time.  And I find that each and every place I go, I meet someone to add, build to that idea.  It is quite simple and leads me down many paths, but overall the idea is there.  It is the base, source of all the dreams I have for the future.  With each person I meet, they give me new insight and knowledge to better tune myself.  I alter with the information I choose to retain and also, with the ones I throw out.  Both ways, I am constantly learning.
My dreams never change, only the journey to them is unwritten.

This idea may not be ready for me yet.  Better yet, I don't think I am ready for it yet.  I must take the growing idea, narrow it, shape it, construct it into a plan.  Grab from the sky, the tangled mess of motives, needs, ambitions and tame them into my idea.  Yes, broad, but all the pieces are there.  All the parts I need are at my fingertips and will present themselves as needed.

You need a pair of balls to go forth in this world.  Life is tough and if you really want to make a stand, a difference, nothing is going to be laid out for you.  The pieces are never going to all be there and you must go forth and build/find your own.  This involves taking risks, calculated risks.  Know who you are dealing with–change.  Know how you can deal with it–Start from the beginning and observe.  Observe all of the possible outcomes and factors in effect.  It's a fucking game and when you are good...You are on top of the world.  At the same time this place is a battlefield.

Hell, no one wants to jump in the "shit."  But when you are in the "shit," that is where is all happens.  Deals are lost and made.  Men rise and fall.  Hearts are broken, inspired, and together.  Stay out and you run in circles for the rest of your life.  Go ahead and jump in, take a chance and make your own path.

coffee and a cigarette

Young man

Look ahead, look ahead

Think again, think again

When you might be alone

Well, that's were it began

Build with your hands 

With the tools of man

Take heed, take heed

They planted the seed

We'll just play this one out until it explodes 

into a thousand tiny pieces 

What's your story universe 

You are melody and numbers

You are shapes, and you are rhythms 

They are signs that we can learn

to place over the heavens

to predict how long they'll burn

How long will I last 

Can I turn up the heat

What star am I circling

What's circling me

Now my ebb, and my flow

My lack of control

Turning on, turning off

Saying yes, but playing no

Things keep changing

Things keep changing 

Things keep changing

break on through

Traveling makes you aware.

Traveling is beautiful,  yet brutal.  

Unbalanced, but still flowing.

Wear your scars 

for they are beauty

they are forever 

...to the otherside.

Heavenly wine and roses, seem to whisper to me when you smile.

Food is good,

                                  Food is sex,

                                  

                                                                                     Food is love.

     Food can be one of the greatest pleasures to man.  Once I came to find that food is more than a substance to shove into our empty bellies until the next meal - like filling up a car at a gas station - I was in love with good food.  It is meant to be enjoyed and savored, like a glimpse into your lover's eyes...why not?  We lust over food every day, from when we see it on a commercial or smell it from a street side vendor.  Our mouths water involuntarily at the mere smell of food or subtle thought of a delicious meal in front of us.

     If I could only describe the way some foods make me feel I think it would not be right to tell you...unless you were eating that exact dish at the exact moment of reading, but fuck it.  I don't mind a good tease every now and then.  Ok...
     A fresh roast duck, in house like any other from a cook like no other.  A woman, a mother, that has been perfecting the art over her life, serves you quickly hacked slices of duck breast only minutes out of the oven.  you sink your teeth into the delicate meat and the crunch of the caramelized skin.  Now your are experiencing true magnificence and extraordinary pleasure time and again as each of your taste buds are consumed with all of the amazing flavors.  They first feel the sweet and savory taste of the skin, then air, then fat -- only managing to maintain it's corporeal for the short moments inside your mouth until it melts into a liquid and spreads like a chill through your body.  Juicy, sweet yet savory, and a ever so slight gamey taste.  These tastes and textures can only come from a cook that has been cooking the same dish hundreds of times over and perfected it, just as a craftsmen perfects his own work.

     Early one morning, with a hangover so bad, you dare not even look anyone in the eye, knowing all to well you did something truly awful the night before and one of those poor souls around you were there for it.  The never ending supply of beer? No, the fucking moonshine...(who's brilliant idea was that anyway)  Whatever the case, you are oblivious to the view of the river or the sights and sounds around you.  You are focusing on the cup of steaming coffee coming your way and you are sure it is the best, well, you have been here before.  After the first sip, the warmth is felt all the way to your bowels and it is like a kick start from the inside out.  Immediately after comes the light and flaky butter biscuits.  To trump the experience of the first bite with sausage gravy, jams, or jellies would be a feat.  But now the wonderful, rich and hearty, perfectly seasoned sausage gravy is poured over the top of the biscuits---you fell the clunk of the complimented combination and the feeling spreads all the way to your pineal gland.  The feelings of home, warmth, and rest are all there, you are satisfied.

     Why is it that most of us take our food for granted.  The majority of our people do not even know how to cook a simple dinner.  Hell even if they do, the Applebees down the road or a takeout from McDonald's seems like a better choice to them.  It is a proven fact that eating at home is cheaper and in many ways healthier for a family.  healthier not only physically, but emotionally.  The truth is, there is a inverse relationship between the frequency of family meals and social problems.  Bluntly put, little Johnny is less likely to start the local meth lab, stick up a liquor store, or blow the top off a public building...if he only had a little more chicken pie when he was younger.
     But that's not my point at all, I believe cooking should be integrated into the lives of all the young kids.  Not to compare this to the basic and regular physical fitness test of schools now.  Where you are called up in front of your class to conduct pull-ups, sit-ups, and so on.  When the physical fitness test were introduced, kids were assumed to maintain a reasonably healthy lifestyle.  With this encouragement came the flip side, negative reinforcement and at worst teasing and bullying.
     With this I am not saying we should teach cooking and throw all of the kids unable to catch on like others into the corner.  I believe they should be taught the virtue of cooking.  The satisfaction of cooking a small meal for yourself and a few others.  It is something that should be fundamental and vital to every young man and woman growing up.  Like learning to read our wiping ones own ass.
     We are progressing though.  Cooking is now becoming "Cool" and more of the young generation are seeing this.  It would be nice if a roommate in college could whip up a nice meal for friends when funds are running low and maybe even admired.  From the 60's, when cooking at home had almost come to a standstill, America has made progress.  Food is now coming forth once again...a love....a passion.

  Julia Child 1963 The French Chef